farters have to be the big spoon...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
