absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
