i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
