Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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