I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
