turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Come see our sink grown plant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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