I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
