Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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