meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
