Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
