ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
