OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
there is glitter all over my balls
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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