She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
