Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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