We won't sleep together?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
