Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
