If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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