Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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