i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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