they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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