My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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