At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
