He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
