The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All the doctor said was why
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
