You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
