lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
