I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
