You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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