I accidentally had phone sex last night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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