i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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