Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
