would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
