the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
