Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
