My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
