is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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