call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
