I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
