It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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