i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
