you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
