girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
