we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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