Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
