He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
