already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
