You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I love having hate sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
