Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I bet he comes in French.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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