You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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