i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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