so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
