well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The air was thick with penises
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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