he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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