so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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