I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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