just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
