You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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