I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
