Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
