i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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