he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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