Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
