Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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