Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
