I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
BRING THE BAGELS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
