she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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