So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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