Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
