Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
